How Soon Is Too Soon to Talk About Marriage? Experts & Real Couples Weigh In
For some people, commitment is a scary word. But more often than not, that’s simply because they haven’t met the right person yet. Or, maybe they have and are still trying to work things out. After all, committing to someone is a big deal. And there’s no bigger commitment than deciding you want to marry someone.
When you find that special person you want to spend the rest of your life with, love can hit you hard. When it does, you might be desperate to get down on one knee and ask them, ‘Will you marry me?’ But, before you do that, there’s another question you need to think about first:
When is the right time to talk about marriage?
This isn’t about asking for their hand, it’s about asking about what their thoughts, hopes and plans for marriage might be, whether it’s in the immediate or distant future. For some, the thought of raising the topic early feels like rushing things. For others, it’s simply about being honest about what they want in life.
We spoke with Bridebook experts, and ran polls with real couples, to get a clearer picture of when is ‘too soon’ to bring up the big M-word. Hopefully, if you dream about having a proposal in your future, it’ll clear up any worries you might have and help you make the right decision for you and your other half.
The poll results don’t lie
We provided our community with a simple statement to help understand the general consensus about when is too soon to talk about marriage:
‘You’ve been on three amazing dates, the chemistry’s there… but then they say, ‘I want to put a ring on it!’’
The response to this statement was clear. A massive 88% said, ‘Way too soon,’ while only 12% thought it sounded like a perfect scenario.
But, when it comes to the bigger picture, the response to the question ‘How soon is too soon to talk about marriage?’ was far more mixed:
- 23% said that after the first few dates is a red flag.
- 31% felt a few months in is about right.
- 27% thought anything before a year is too soon.
- 19% said they wouldn’t bring it up until living together.
Clearly, someone diving in with a proposal after just a few dates is a little (or a lot) too much for most people, no matter how amazing the dates were. But, far more people are open to the idea of at least discussing marriage within the first few months or even weeks of meeting someone.
At the end of the day, it depends on how you’re feeling, what signs the other person is giving off and the overall vibes of how things are progressing.
‘When you know, you know’
For some couples, talking about marriage comes naturally and early. Sophia, Bridebook’s Senior Editor & Marketing Associate, shared:
‘I honestly think my now-husband and I were talking about marriage as early as the three-month mark. We got engaged within a year and married the year after that. It might sound like a romcom tagline, but when you know, you know. From the start, we were on the same page about the big things – life goals, wanting a family, all of it – so those deeper conversations came naturally.’
For Sophia, faith was also important; both she and her partner wanted a religious union to play a role. That said, for couples of any background, she believes early honesty is important: ‘If you’re in a committed, long-term relationship, having those conversations early on can save a lot of heartache and disappointment later. It’s not about rushing things; it’s about being real with each other.’
Age, experience and timing matter
Julie, Bridebook’s Senior Marketing Manager, agrees that talking about marriage is normal in a serious relationship, but context makes all the difference.
‘I think that when you’re in a serious relationship, it’s totally normal to talk about the future – and for a lot of couples, that includes marriage. If you can’t see it going long-term, then what’s the point? That said, it really depends on your age, life experience, and how long you’ve been together.’
For younger couples, she recommends patience: ‘If you’re under 24, it might make sense to wait a couple of years, try living together first, and just figure things out. But if you’re older, or have been through it before, you probably know what you want — so chatting about marriage after a few months? Honestly, not that wild.’
Don’t talk about marriage (or get married) just because you feel pressured to
There are a million and one reasons why you may want to get married to your partner. But within those reasons, it shouldn’t come down to pressure, either from other people or yourself. Believe it or not, when you see young people get married on TV or your close group of mates are all tying the knot, you might feel like it’s something you need to do so you can keep up.
Author’s note: ‘I (Mike) went through this myself, having moved in with my girlfriend (now wife) after just three months of dating. It wasn’t until a few months later that we discussed our future hopes for marriage. We both wanted to, but knew it was expensive. All around us, friends started to get married, but the cost was always a barrier for us. Then, after five years of dating, we stumbled on a wedding deal that we couldn’t refuse and the rest, as they say, is history.
It could have been incredibly easy to try and keep up with those around us who were all getting married, which would have meant getting into debt or having a wedding that neither of us saw as perfect. But we wanted to be strong and only do it when the time was right. At the end of the day, we were together, and that was the main thing.’
Are there any benefits to talking about marriage quickly?
It totally depends on your own circumstances, but… yes, absolutely, there are benefits to bringing up the topic of marriage early on in a relationship! For some couples, moving fast can be a good thing. If you’re both aligned on core values (family, lifestyle, finances, faith and long-term goals), then there’s nothing wrong with talking about marriage early, and it can save you years of uncertainty. It can also feel incredibly romantic and exciting to know that you’re both aligned on something as big and important as this.
Couples who marry quickly often describe a sense of clarity: no endless ‘what ifs,’ just that incredible whirlwind of love and affection. For some, it also means they can start building the life they want, whether that’s buying a home, starting a family or simply growing old together.
And as Sophia pointed out in her story, there’s something powerful about getting real about marriage early: it helps avoid disappointment later, and it ensures you’re not wasting time if your visions for the future don’t align.
What are the downsides to talking about marriage too quickly?
While whirlwind romances make for great romcom storylines, real life doesn’t always play out the same way as it does in the movies. If you rush into things, it can lead to overlooking red flags, skipping important conversations about values, finances or future plans, and creating pressure before the relationship has had time to naturally develop. The result is often unmet expectations and disappointment further down the line.
Marriage is more than chemistry and lust. It’s about understanding how you deal with conflict, making joint decisions with respect and consideration for one another, and supporting each other through the mundane moments as well as the exciting ones. Couples who talk about marriage too fast may mistake infatuation for compatibility, only to raelise later on that their lifestyles, goals or ways of handling challenges don’t match. This can strain the relationship, and in some cases, even cause it to unravel before it has a chance to grow.
Why might a couple talk about marriage sooner rather than later?
For some couples, marriage comes up early, not because they’re rushing, but because the connection feels clear and genuine from the start. When two people share similar values, life goals, or cultural or religious backgrounds, it often feels natural to discuss what a future together might look like. Talking about marriage quickly can also reflect life stage: older couples, or those who have been through serious, long-term relationships before, may feel more confident about what they want and waste no time putting it on the table.
Sometimes, external factors spark the conversation, too, like long-distance relationships, family expectations, religious beliefs or wanting to start a family sooner rather than later. In these cases, marriage talk isn’t necessarily (or exclusively) about a fairytale romance, but rather about aligning on timelines and making sure your partner’s choices are similar to yours. For others, it’s simply about honesty. If one partner knows they’re only looking for something long-term, mentioning marriage early can be a way of checking compatibility and saving both people time and heartache.
If you’re looking for validation about whether or not you should speak about marriage early on in a relationship, you won’t find that here. That’s because you don’t need anyone to validate how you’re feeling. If it feels right, and you’re confident it won’t scare the other person away, then there should be nothing stopping you from having that all-important heart-to-heart when it’s right for you.
Red flags and realistic expectations
Then there’s the question of how early is too early? Lucy, Bridebook’s Video Content Creator, waited nearly eight years before her engagement, but she and her partner started talking about marriage much sooner.
‘I got engaged after about eight years with my partner, but definitely started talking about marriage much earlier than that. Not date-three early… but then again, I wouldn’t be going on third dates with someone I didn’t see long-term potential with! For me, talking about marriage early on isn’t weird. I think it’s smart to figure out if you’re aligned on what you want in life.’
That said, Lucy also draws a line: ‘If someone’s getting down on one knee before you’ve even been on a holiday together? That’s probably a red flag.’
Celebrity couples who got married quickly
Plenty of famous couples have tied the knot on fast timelines, and the results show it can go either way.
David and Victoria Beckham got engaged less than a year after meeting, and are still going strong decades later. Hailey Baldwin and Justin Bieber famously got engaged just a few months after rekindling their romance, and they’ve been open about working hard on their marriage since. On the flip side, stars like Britney Spears and Jason Alexander (married for 55 hours) or Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries (married for 72 days) show that whirlwind weddings and marriages can sometimes fizzle out just as fast as they start.
This shows that speed doesn’t guarantee success or failure. What matters is the compatibility, communication and shared values you’ve built in the time you’ve had, whether that’s three months or three years.
What you need to do (and think about) before you get engaged
Even if things feel magical, it’s worth taking a step back to make sure you’ve covered some essentials before popping the question. Start by asking yourself: do you both share the same vision for the future? Those big important topics like children, finances, faith and lifestyle choices need to be aligned, or at least openly discussed, so you’re each happy with the cards the other is laying on the table.
It’s also important to experience life together in different contexts. Travel as a couple. Spend time with each other’s families. Try actually living together, or at least spend extended periods in each other’s spaces to see how you handle the everyday stuff like chores, bills, stress and conflict. These mixed experiences will reveal how compatible you really are.
You should also talk openly about your expectations of what marriage means to you. Is it a romantic bond, a religious commitment, a legal partnership or all of the above? The clearer you are before the engagement, the smoother the transition will be into married life.
To help you figure things out, we have some guides that should help you come to the decision about whether now is the time for you to get engaged:
So, what’s the answer?
The truth is, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all timeline when it comes to getting married. And the exact same applies to actually talking about marriage. For some couples, marriage talks at three months in feel natural, yet for others, it’s a conversation that doesn’t make sense until years later.
The main thing is to be open and honest with yourself and your partner. Think about where you are in life, your shared values and goals, and whether you’re both singing from the same song sheet when it comes to your futures.
Make sure you read the room. After date one, you might get home that night and plan out your entire life together. But if that person isn’t quite there yet (and maybe won’t be until date 100 or more), then the last thing you want to do is scare them off. So don’t go in all guns blazing. Or do. At the end of the day, it all comes down to you and the person you want to discuss marriage with.
Plan dream your wedding with Bridebook
If there’s an engagement in your future, then now’s the time for you to sign up to Bridebook. We make wedding planning easy and give you access to exclusive offers with top venues and suppliers – from photographers to caterers – up and down the UK. Sign up to Bridebook today.
Browse other similar articles:
- 15 Romantic Marriage Proposal Ideas
- 6 Marriage Proposal Mistakes to Avoid
- 20 Things to Do After You Get Engaged: The Complete Step-by-Step Guide
- How to Announce Your Engagement: 20 Top Tips and Ideas
Happy Planning!
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